To be frank…

be still2_edited-2

Image courtesy of Ron Voth

I’ll be honest. i’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. And i haven’t really been able to put my finger on why.

It seems like i’ve let my guard down a bit and allowed the worry mongers to get their foot in the door.  What am i fretting about?

A list of silly things, to be completely truthful: Worrying about next year’s schedule (i say it, or shall i say write it, sounds downright ridiculous even to me!), panicking as summer dates are being marked with “have to’s” (i’m unapologetically selfish of our down time!), and just having a tough time with letting go of situations where my mama bear claws threaten to make an unruly appearance.To heap on the self pity, i’ve been feeling well..for lack of a better word… old. Never ever felt this before, but joining the blogging world where we are surrounded by fresh faced, lovely, smart YOUTH..i’ve allowed myself to second guess the confidence that i think should be earned by a woman in her late 30’s. And knowing that there are so many others facing larger burdens, well, then i was just plain disappointed in myself.

These things have had me doing some dumpster diving…yup, way down there.  And yesterday while i was yawning like i’d just pulled on all-nighter, it struck me that giving these thoughts and worries too much “air time” was making me feel downright exhausted. i’m so not ok with it. My life is incredibly full of blessings so why have i let my focus get so off track?

And then my attitude and outlook made a turn around…with a little help!  i was able to spend an evening with Scott, plopped in front of the tube, munching on movie theatre popcorn speckled with melty Cadbury bites (you know? The sweet and salty combo? Obviously!). Let’s just say he is the ultimate in rescuing dumpster divers! And then a phonecall with my mom, where i could put voice to some of my struggles and hear her encouragement and general “mumsy” reassurances.

And then realizing why one of my favourite songs from childhood had been running through my mind all day and i wasn’t putting two and two together.. “Be Still and Know That i Am God”.  Seriously, humming it all day long til it almost made me crazy, but not stopping to think for one moment about what song it really was! Kinda hit me all at once. Humbled and gently reminded. i’m slow to remember but once again proof that God is in control and what He asks from me is to just BE. To trust Him and rest in that. That’s hard, but what would be harder is trying to solve it all myself. So that’s my challenge. Leaving it with Him and choosing to give more air time to the joy i have through Him. Are any of you feeling similarly stuck or heavy with burdens? I hope you can find a moment to be still. And be encouraged. xoxo

  • Karen

    Laurel, thank you for your authenticity. To be able to summarize what you feel in this way is inspiring and encouraging. Too often we have days like this and just push through without telling anyone allowing the negative feelings to take a greater hold on us. You are a beautiful woman with tremendous influence that goes way beyond your awareness. Thank you for sharing your beauty and love for life and meaning with such integrity.

  • FlaireBear

    Once again, seeing myself through your beautiful writing has brought me to tears. Life is way too short and we need to be in the now, in this very moment, while we are living it, not looking back and feeling remorse over what we have missed. Like a big dump truck…we need to let it go, AND what a better way to bring ourself back than with someone who loves you, grounds you and has his own bag of popcorn!! <3

  • Julie Maarhuis

    Ahhh- you brought tears to my eyes. Just know we all struggle with the self pity and feelings of being overwhelmed. Thanks for the good reminder.

  • lana

    I am in shock with your comments, and so grateful!!!! This has been ME since last Thursday. (Maybe a bit longer) Thank you!!! I found a bible devotion that read like this…..

    “Rejection on your person is not the end of the World”

    That helped for me because I am experiencing a situation with two bitter women.

    Anyway, thank you for the gorgeous pic and beautiful words! xo

  • Debra

    I, too, have been a bit reflective lately. The death of my grandmother last week and my godfather 2 months ago, along with my daughter starting HIGH SCHOOL makes me feel like so much is coming to an end. I forget with endings, come beginnings. I will choose to focus on the beginnings instead of the endings. Thanks Lo!

  • Wow! I am so in awe of the awesome and beautiful friends i am surrounded by. Some that i see often and others who’s relationships have been nurtured online:) You ALL have given me a boost…each one! I’ll be completely honest…when i pressed the “publish” button i had a huge moment of “what did i just do?” and then i decided to be still for a moment! So grateful to know that we all face struggles and we can share them and gain perspective and support from other ladies (that i admire, i might add)
    Thanks to all of you… hugs to you Lana and Debra, as you deal with hard moments. And thanks too, to Karen, Julie and Flaire Bear for your encouragment. And yes…popcorn does help to make things better too!! xo

  • Shelley

    Thank you Laurel for such an inspiring read and some self reflection!

  • Frieda

    Thank you so much for that encouragement and reminder of what life is about and that is knowing God. It is so difficult not to get wrapped up in all the “doings” (as I am right now)and loose sight of what should be in front of us. You have been a blessing! 🙂

  • Irene

    Thank you for sharing….you are an encouragement to me and I will be praying for you…life is not easy and we need to love and support each other in the highs and lows ….. Praying for a joy filled day for you

  • Jen

    I’ve never met you, but have been following your blog since the beginning, since we know mutual people! I asked my husband on Monday at dinner “why do I feel so discontent right now?”, genuinely not really knowing why. Maybe a bit overwhelmed as well. Reading your post the next day was reassuring that I’m not alone in my thoughts, and was also encouraging that I should rest in the Lord more. So, thank-you for sharing!
    p.s. – I LOVE your blog! 🙂

    • I’m so glad to meet you, Jen…even if it not face to face:) Thanks for following us…i’m so glad that you find us worthy of being connected to!! We are so-o in this this together…and i’m glad we can talk about it. I always find such comfort in knowing others have struggles too and being able to encourage and be encouraged. This is when woman might just have it a little easier than the men…:)

  • Thanks friends! I hope you can see through the “doings” Frieda!! It creeps up until it’s hard to see past, doesn’t it? So grateful we don’t have to do life on our own. Aunt are so would be a lonely road without the support and love of friends and family xo . Shelley, i’m so glad you had a chance for some self reflections..those moments are so-o-o important, aren’t they??

  • Brenda

    Timely post Laurel…thank you.