Image courtesy of Ron Voth
I’ll be honest. i’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. And i haven’t really been able to put my finger on why.
It seems like i’ve let my guard down a bit and allowed the worry mongers to get their foot in the door. What am i fretting about?
A list of silly things, to be completely truthful: Worrying about next year’s schedule (i know..to say it, or shall i say write it, sounds downright ridiculous even to me!), panicking as summer dates are being marked with “have to’s” (i’m unapologetically selfish of our down time!), and just having a tough time with letting go of situations where my mama bear claws threaten to make an unruly appearance.To heap on the self pity, i’ve been feeling well..for lack of a better word… old. Never ever felt this before, but joining the blogging world where we are surrounded by fresh faced, lovely, smart YOUTH..i’ve allowed myself to second guess the confidence that i think should be earned by a woman in her late 30’s. And knowing that there are so many others facing larger burdens, well, then i was just plain disappointed in myself.
These things have had me doing some dumpster diving…yup, way down there. And yesterday while i was yawning like i’d just pulled on all-nighter, it struck me that giving these thoughts and worries too much “air time” was making me feel downright exhausted. i’m so not ok with it. My life is incredibly full of blessings so why have i let my focus get so off track?
And then my attitude and outlook made a turn around…with a little help! i was able to spend an evening with Scott, plopped in front of the tube, munching on movie theatre popcorn speckled with melty Cadbury bites (you know? The sweet and salty combo? Obviously!). Let’s just say he is the ultimate in rescuing dumpster divers! And then a phonecall with my mom, where i could put voice to some of my struggles and hear her encouragement and general “mumsy” reassurances.
And then realizing why one of my favourite songs from childhood had been running through my mind all day and i wasn’t putting two and two together.. “Be Still and Know That i Am God”. Seriously, humming it all day long til it almost made me crazy, but not stopping to think for one moment about what song it really was! Kinda hit me all at once. Humbled and gently reminded. i’m slow to remember but once again proof that God is in control and what He asks from me is to just BE. To trust Him and rest in that. That’s hard, but what would be harder is trying to solve it all myself. So that’s my challenge. Leaving it with Him and choosing to give more air time to the joy i have through Him. Are any of you feeling similarly stuck or heavy with burdens? I hope you can find a moment to be still. And be encouraged. xoxo